I Don’t like Icebreakers and Neither Should You

I don’t like Icebreakers. You know, the “fun” activity at the beginning of a meeting when someone throws me a beach ball and I answer a random question about myself. No thank you. As much as I appreciate a good beach, I really don’t know what I would bring with me on a deserted island and, honestly, I don’t want to think about this nightmare scenario at 8 am on a Monday.

While I appreciate the energy and creativity that often go into these well-intentioned activities, I hope the meeting’s purpose is strong and important enough that spending 30 minutes hearing what animal people think is most like them is not really worth the time. If the meeting’s purpose is not that important, maybe it could have been an email.

“At SWIM, we believe every part of your meeting should move you toward a clearly defined purpose”

However, and this is a big however, I do believe in the importance of a relational opener to a meeting. A relational opener is something to place us in the room, or the zoom, that centers us on our work together.

I know what you’re thinking; and while it might sound like a complete contradiction, relational openers are unique from the type of Icebreaker activities that you might be used to. The difference is the design and the purpose of the activity.

At SWIM, we believe every part of your meeting should move you toward a clearly defined purpose. That means the opening engagement should be designed for two purposes: (1) to let us get to know one another, or know one another better, and (2) to help us understand what we are bringing to the meeting and how we will use this to collectively achieve our purpose.

Knowing what animal I most relate to might be entertaining but knowing the answer to a question like, “What motivates you to want this project/organization/meeting to be successful?” might actually help the meeting be more productive.

Don’t skip the opener, but give it purpose.

For example, in board meetings that I lead I often start by reading the mission statement of the organization and asking one of the following questions:

• What motivates you to want to see the mission achieved?

• How have you seen that mission in action since our last meeting?

• What have you done to move forward that mission since our last meeting?

• What have you seen in the world that makes that mission even more important today than it was the last time we met?

Would you rather know the answer to those questions, or that I relate most to an owl because they hide in the shadows observing their entire environment waiting for the best moment to swoop in and use their influence?

Here are a few other principle questions from SWIM for you to consider when creating your relational opener:

1. Is it tied to the organizational purpose (such as the mission or vision)?

2. Is it connected to the content of your meeting?

3. Does the method match the people or will it force people out of their comfort zone?

4. Does it ask for too much vulnerability too early? Let your meeting build to that.

5. How long should the answers be and what do we have time to allow?

6. Do you give an example answer?

7. Is there enough time for every person to participate? If not, consider a new opening.

8. Are you sending it far enough in advance so that people can prepare?

A relational opener done with purpose and intention can be a powerful and influential tool to bring people together and center them in the room. What questions or activities have worked for your meetings? Let us know in the comments below!

Interested in learning more about relational openings and other tools for better meetings? Check out our course: Effective Meetings in Uncertain Times. Readers of SWIM Notes are invited to take the course at a discounted rate. Email our Project Coordinator, Meghan Walters (she/her) at coordinator@seewhatimean.com for 50% off.

Author: Jordan Vernoy