"With Me, Not to Me" - A Map to Better Partnerships
“With Me, Not to Me” - A Map to Better Partnerships
It is revealing that in every network assessment we have completed at See What I Mean, we hear the same sentiment from members - with me, not to me. In other words, be my partner not my boss. However, it shouldn’t be all that surprising. When I think about my day to day life at work and at home, my default is ‘to’ not ‘with’, and usually out of a deep sense of caring and compassion. Whether I am in the weeds with a client working on the “life’s work” I discussed in this previous blog, or I am trying to be a helpful parent to my kids during this unprecedented time, my default is ‘to’ not ‘with.’
Think about it, there are so many thoughtful, caring and passionate people out there trying to address some of the world's most difficult problems, and there are parents at home trying to help their children understand the world around them. It is so much easier to take our expertise, our caring, and just try to fix the problems ourselves so those being affected can simply have a better outcome. I think many of us like to work this way because we like control.
In a world where it seems like we no longer have control of the most simple decisions in our lives, holding on to control where we can feels like a necessity. However, control in addressing the largest and smallest of problems creates a top down process where the controller is doing things to the people they are trying to support rather than working with them in partnership. Whether it is rolling out a new way to provide a valuable service to an end user, or helping your kids navigate conflicts in a virtual world. It just feels easier to take control and “handle” the problem directly.
Giving up control is unbelievably hard. It feels like you are handing over the road map you have created, not so someone can read the map and follow its directions, but so someone can erase and redraw the map. Maybe the map won’t be drawn in the way you had imagined or maybe the map will direct people to a place you didn’t imagine going. If you hear, “With me, not to me,” and think, “Of course that is right,” it is time to hand over the map to the people you are trying to help. Your network will make the way you serve your end user even better (especially if you include the end user in your network), and your kids will learn much more from working through their problems their way with you as a listening ear and trusted adviser.
People, organizations, communities… EVERYONE wants to have control over their own outcomes. If we further take away control in the process of trying to help people, are we really helping at all? This doesn’t mean that you leave the drawing board. You have assets to add to the assets brought to the table by all the other people involved in the challenge you are trying to address. The question is how do you best partner with everyone around the table? How do you collaborate to draw an even better and well-informed map to a destination no one at the table might have imagined on their own.
When we move from doing things to people to partnering with people, we become a whole that is bigger than its parts.
SWIM has worked with networks across the country on assessing how their network is functioning, and how well they are utilizing the assets of all network stakeholders. We would love to work with your network, your organization, or your company to help you move towards a culture of “With me, not to me.” Schedule a discovery session at the link below and download our guide to network leadership.
Author: Jordan Vernoy